LIFE WITH ME

Family

2008-07-16T23:21:00.002-04:00

sucks. That's all there is to say plain and simple. My aunt drove into town last week and surprised while I was at work. My boss (who is very understanding and beyond cool) let me leave early so I could spend the day with them (aunt, uncle and cousin). Well we had fun and found out that they will be in Orlando until Sunday. We thought "Cool because we'll be up there as well and we'll meet up." Well...I called my cousin and tentatively made plans with him. This was around 1 in the afternoon well by 7:00 p.m. that night we heard nothing from them. The next morning my aunt calls my mom to say she is on her way home and that they are in Atlanta, Georgia. We further find out that they were done with their thing at 7 and felt that it was to late to see us. I might add that that in and of itself was a flat out lie because the night before they went to see my sisters and did not get there till about 8:30 p.m. That was a slap in the face.

And it also seems that we have been completely shunned and ostracized (sp?) by our family. I honestly wish I could tell you all why but I don't have an answer. Fact..since as far back as I can remember they have always been jealous of me. Fact....I was told to my face by one cousin that one reason that I was hated was because I had a set of wheels. Fact..I live in Florida where wheels are a necessity. Fact...I worked my a** off for this car so excuse me. Fact...if you don't want to know the answer don't ask. Fact...that I was told I hate you is enough for me to know that I have been shunned and for no reason whatsoever.

So with that in mind I have realized (as I said in an earlier post) family is what you make of it. It does not have to be blood..as long as it is someone who cares about you. Family is those closest to you. So I may no longer have family in the blood sense but I have family in the "we're here for you always sense" and that is all that I need.

P.S. It hurts to be shunned and made an out cast but I've got thick skin so I'll slowly get over it. Hey it is there loss after all. I tried my best and sorry but I refuse to beg anyone to love me...family or not.

Apple Iphone 3G

2008-07-16T23:13:00.003-04:00

After waiting four hours in a line I am now the proud owner of the newest addition to the Apple family: Iphone 3G. It was a fun wait one that I completely did not expect to do. I started out exclaiming that I would not upgrade but I am glad I did. First of all...the line was long but not that long. Throughout the line we were given free drinks from starbucks and just people watching. One thing about lines is that you meet people who you will never see again but you all have one thing in common and for that you get along amazingly well. All was going well until towards the end of the line when employees shouted that you had to be the primary accountholder to purchase and upgrade to the iphone 3g. This of course scared me because I am not the primary accountholder but the authorized user on the account. So when I question this new rule it started an argument between the manager and me and another girl. Why...because from the very beginning we were told that we were fine because we were the authorized users on the account. What was worse was that I was mere seconds away from purchasing the phone when this went down. Thankfully everything got worked out and I walked out with my phone and hours later sold my first generation for $150. Well it's almost a week and I've realized that I want the white one. What makes this even worse is that as of today all of the stores near me are now completely sold out of the white iphone. I kick myself for not just getting the white in the first place. But I have until the 25th to change it so I am sure that Apple will be replenishing their stock in the next week...if not then I will stay with what I have because either way I HEART MY IPHONE 3G!!

changes.

2008-07-16T23:08:00.003-04:00

I've been blogging about making a change but that I was undecided about what to do. Well....I enrolled in school to get a second BA degree in marketing. I plan on working for a magazine or publishing firm. Whether it's going to be in NYC or out west that part is unknown. But I am excited about going back to school. Thank goodness for having an understanding boss. She has in the past has said that I am to smart to be a legal assistant for the rest of my life. Granted I could have become certified as a paralegal but that was always a last resort career. Business/marketing however was not. Like I said I have big dreams with this degree. It will open up a whole new career for me. Yes I may be a little late in the game but I'm not that late so who cares.

I am going to move forward.....

2008-06-15T22:25:00.003-04:00

I have re-enrolled in FAU for my second bachelor's. I've decided that it'll either be hospitality management or marketing. I spoke with a guidance counselor Friday and now I am just waiting for my status to change to enrolled student so that I can sign up for classes. The counselor was of course trying to change my mind and just go right to a masters since I already have my b.a. But if I'm going to get a masters in a business program then I feel that I need a bachelor's in that particular subject matter. That and it'll hopefully boost up my GPA and then I can take the GRE and hopefully be done within the next two years. It seems a little crazy to be doing this all over again but as much as I love my job I just don't feel fulfilled. And that is what I am looking for. Fulfillment and just knowing that I have more than one option in a career. I want to be able to look back on my life and say I did all that I wanted and not for one moment have any regrets. In doing this I'll konw that I won't have any regrets.

Decisions, decisions....

2008-06-09T15:25:00.003-04:00

I believe in the past I've mentioned that I've been deciding on what I really want out of my life in terms of a career. I'm a paralegal...I love what I do but on some days I wonder is this it??? I mean I had so many different goals and dreams and jobs throughout college. I wanted to be a computer programmer, a graphics designer, a job in public relations, a journalist working for a fashion magazine. And I ended up being a paralegal...like I said I love it but it's not what I want to do with the rest of my life and if by chance it is I'd rather do it somewhere other than Florida...like say NYC or even California or Georgia or North Carolina. I think you get my drift somewhere not in the state of sunny Florida. I've even debated going back to school for a second bachelor's degree in graphics / design or journalism. I'm just so confused...last week I even started browsing law firms in NYC that had job openings. If I've started doing that it means I am definitely serious about moving. But my one thing holding me back is my current job. I love where I work, my boss is in one word incredible. The pay is great. It's just so hard to say that I want to leave. And when I do leave I want it to be when I have a specific plan in motion. If I do go back to school, I can easily go at night and work days and do homework during the weekend and on Fridays. That's not a problem. If I find a new job...I want to have some money saved which means quite possibly the dream may be a few months away of coming true but it will be a reality. I'll tell you one thing: I'm scared. What if I end up making the wrong decision or what if in making my decision I end up in a better place than I ever imagined. I guess I'll just have to plunge and hope I come out on top. I'll keep you updated with what I've finally decided on.

Still no Mac

2008-06-04T23:19:00.000-04:00

I'm going on one week without my MacBook. Never thought I'd need my
computer or feel so lost without it. Its pure torture and hell. Well
off to sleep.

Sent from my iPhone

Back from Vacation....

2008-05-26T16:34:00.002-04:00

So I was in California from the 17th to the 24 and I am still recovering from a major case of jet lag. The trip itself was fun and awesome but the jet lag thing is sooo not cool. We went to Disneyland and Laguna Beach and hit up all the spots in L.A. Of course we did not go to the clubs but that's ok because our days were so long that we were tired by 8 at night. I gotta say I am glad to be back home for a number of reasons: gas prices, the fact that you have to pay for parking everywhere you go, taxes. I'll gladly pay 6.5% over 8.25% anyday. So let's do a little recap:

Day 1: we landed at 9:30 and got the rental by 10:30. The guy was supecool and upgraded us for an additional 10 bucks a day into an SUV that originally was going to be a convertible but with no navigation system which we desperately needed. So again the upgrade was an suv. we went to lunch at Mel's Diner since we couldn't check into our hotel until 3. California and Florida are on different ends of the spectrum. Florida is all flat and level and California is all about the hills which are awesome. Anyways, after lunch we checked in and slept for an hour then we headed to the Chinese Theatre and the Kodak Theatre and saw the walk of fame. Then we had dinner at P.F. Changs (I know not very original).

Day 2: We slept in and just traveled around L.A. and went to Melrose and Rodeo Drive. The best part was when we saw Jason Lee from "My Name is Earl". That was awesome to be standing mere feet away from a star. And the Beverly Center (a mall). That was pretty much day 2 since it was Sunday and everything closed early.

Day 3: Disneyland. Enough said. Although I must say that Disney World is wayyy better than Land.

Day 4: Laguna Beach and Santa Monica Pier. We also went to the Third Street Promenade.

Day 5, 6, 7: These days were all spent just driving around enjoying the scenery. We also went to see a cousin of ours who lives in California. By this time the weather went from hot to cold. And I'm ashamed to admit that the last few days were all just meshed together. But they were fun of course.

Day 8: The Final Day...we woke up late and lounged around until 2 when we checked out. I had gotten a late flight (10 p.m.) so we had an extra day in California. But like I said it was spent just louning around and relaxing and gearing up for our flight home. Once 2 came we checked out and went to a movie and had dinner. From there we turned the rental car in and went to the airport and waited to go home.

We landed at 6 a.m. the next day and showered and change and met up with my half brother his wife and kids. My sister-in-law and niece and nephews if we are going to get technical. And by we I meant me and my sisters. Like I said we had a blast and totally enjoyed ourselves in California. Now I'm ready to start planning for a mini stay in NYC my first favorite city.

UGH!!!!....

2008-04-15T22:14:00.002-04:00

So I am getting what I asked for in spades. D and I have been talking but in getting to know him I've realized something, I don't want to settle. That and he has no ambition in life and that is not what I want as a quality in a guy. But moving on from there....he. wont. stop. calling. I know I asked him to call but this is getting to be a tad ridiculous. I ignored his calls today and would you believe he called 5 times and left one voice message in a 20 minute time span. I finally called him back and was like um, I've been trying to sleep. That stopped him for tonight but I'm seriously considering a number change and fast because I can't take it anymore.

Another note...I've been leaning more and more towards a new job in a new city. I just don't want to say anything yet for fear of backing out or just staying with my current job. Both being me having backed out. I'm scared for two reasons: I love my job and I'm scared that I'll never find another boss as cool as her and I would be moving to a new town but if I chose NYC I'd know a couple people there. So it's got its good and its bad. I think I should sit down and do a pros and cons list to help me decide what I really and truly want. All I know is I'm restless and that means I need a change and fast.

LIFE

2008-04-11T11:40:00.003-04:00

It's been a few days since I last wrote. I am getting into this blogging thing. It cleanses me and helps me get things off my chest that I normally can't talk about. Most recently, a betrayal. And no it's not as dramatic as I make it sound but I have been betrayed. Not by a friend but by family. I have realized that even if they were to grovel and beg forgiveness on their hands and knees I will not nor can not ever forgive them. They have cut themselves out of my life through their own fault and none of my own. My cuz, who is 42, claims that she is hater free because they got deleted. Something she wrote on myspace. And that's fine but if I could talk to her I'd say actually no we deleted you when you started your immaturity. The only person you deleted was a child. But she does not seem to get that. She feels that once a person hits 18 they have no more feelings. Um, I am here to say not true. And at 42, let's face it you should not even be having haters. It shows how immature you really are. But with all that said...there is no forgiveness coming from me or anyone else in my home. I have moved on.

Another note...D the one that I've been getting annoyed with for NOT calling me has in fact been calling and we have been talking. And fact 1....at 26 he is just not taking life seriously. Fact 2...he is annoying me. What a horrible thing to say but oh so true. Fact 3...he is not taking life seriously (I know I repeated myself but it's true) and he is not even looking to get a decent job. He works as a cart pusher. Um, not to sound snotty and all high and mighty but that is a job for the 16-21 age group who are making their way through school and want money for fun things. It's not a job he should have. But that's just me. So now I need to know how to disantce myself from him because I just can't deal with someone who has no ambition in life. I am at an age where everything matters and I refuse to settle.

Another note....I am very super uber excited for my California trip coming up in May. I have never been and I can't wait.

...

2008-04-03T13:58:00.002-04:00

I previously posted about D and his holding back. I figured that maybe I should clarify a little. There was a shindig going on Saturday that at the last minute I said I'd go to. Well I get home and unwind a bit before calling him and when I do I realize that he called me (at least we know his dialing fingers aren't broken). I called back and got no answer and we ended up playing phone tag that night. Needless to say I did not go to the party. The next day I tell him and he says yeah I got in the dunk tank with my phone and wallet (believable, not really sure) and that he would have rather hung out with me. So sweet but it could have been a line. And it's now four days later and nada. I mean nothing at all. Not a phone call, an email, seriously nothing. I just don't get this guy.

On another note, I invited the other d in my life to dinner Friday night. He says he's going and I can take him at his word. Is there anything there, sure he's cute, sweet and gives me the attention a guy should a give a girl. But is the feeling mutual. To tell you the truth, I have no idea. I want to say yes because our hanging out consists of just the two of us going to dinner or dinner and a movie. Majority of the time he has paid and scratch that he pays always, I paid for the movies last time. So is that dating even though we see other once every couple of months. Not sure, we talk in between those times but with guys it is always hard to tell.

I live by the theory that guys are friends with girls because they are attracted to them in some deep level. I've heard it from a guys mouth once or twice in the past. It's all that sexual tension that emanates from the other person. Well, at least that is my theory and I'm sticking to it because it has yet to prove me wrong.

WELL.....

2008-04-01T12:23:00.000-04:00

It's a good thing that I have realized some people just cannot be
taken at their word. With that said D is still holding back and I have
no idea why. Especially when he says that he does like me and does
want to take me out. I mean what is the deal. Guys are way to
confusing more so than girls.

On another note, I have been doing some serious thinking about what I
want to be when I grow up but more on that later. After all, that
decision deserves its very own post.

Sent from my iPhone

Another Weekend Gone...

2008-03-23T21:19:00.002-04:00

It's Sunday night, which means Monday is less than 5 hours away, which means back to work. I hate Sundays. I love my job but I wish I could get paid but never have to work. Had such a relaxing weekend...Friday, went down to West Palm to the Blue Martini and Cheesecake Factory. Saturday went to the mall and today just sat around doing nothing all day and feasted on a glorious and delicious meal my mom made. But with that in mind I only have 56 or 55 days left till my vacation to California. Very excited to have a week off and to actually be doing something during that week. My theory is this...why take a vacation if your not going to go anywhere. Of course you need money for the vacation but that's what I love about Expedia. You book your trip and if it is over $1,000 then you can put a deposit and pay the rest a whole month before your trip. So everything will be paid for and all I have to worry about is finding my way in LA and paying for food. Gotta love Expedia.

Good Friday

2008-03-21T18:19:00.001-04:00

Slightly buzzed after one drink, that is very sad. But I am eating at
the Cheesecake Factory so that makes it so much better. Foods here so
more later.

Sent from my iPhone

Kind of Annoyed....

2008-03-20T22:11:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I thought of Friends, the episode where Ross buys a couch etc. well I forgot to watch it last night because I wasn't feeling well so today my sisters came home for the weekend and another reference was made. So I was like ooh I'm gonna watch it. My sisters you can't I took it. Why would you take my crap without asking??? And to top it off she owes me money too. Kind of annoying. Let's hope she brings it back home next week.

Yet another test ....

2008-03-20T17:04:00.000-04:00

Since I got my iPhone I am all for using every feature. So with that
in mind I will occassionally blog from here.

P.S. I heart my iPhone.

Sent from my iPhone

Something New....

2008-03-20T13:53:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to do a post using my phone. Fact.....not easy. Fact...battery goes a little quicker. Fact....kind of loving it.

I-Phone....

2008-03-19T16:14:00.002-04:00

After months of lusting after this pretty hot little gadget I broke down and broke my contract with Verizon (Sorry, Verizon but if you had the iphone I would have never left you!!). Three words: I LOVE IT!!!! What made me take so long I'll never know but I gotta say this phone is sleek, sexy and sizzling. <-----How's that for alliteration. Seriously for those of you who are doubting the purchase...it is sooo worthe the money, in my case it helped that my boss was uber generous because no money came from my pocket just from my lovely little bonuses. Plus, AT&T has been having some refurbished ones for $249 a complete fraction of the price.

"He's Just Not That Into You"

2008-03-19T16:10:00.002-04:00

I love this book. Even though all the information is pretty obvious to all girls in the world it's still the kind of book you go to when you need to reaffirm your beliefs in how shady the opposite sex. D called once last week and we only spoke for 5 minutes because I was at work. I called back and left a message and he has yet to call. Sure he's messaged me on myspace but still no phone call. So I went to "He's Just Not That Into You" and read the chapter that I knew pertained to D. And I gotta tell you, there is no excuse for a guy who claims to like you to not call you. So I say to D: Sayonara. Sure I'll talk to him from time to time on myspace but you just lost any chance you might have possibly had.

BTW...in our messages he invited me to a going away party for a friend of his. I declined...his friend is the brother of my sister's ex. Ho's before bros is all I gotta say and blood is thicker than water.

I've come to realize....

2008-03-16T21:53:00.002-04:00

That family does not need to be blood, just someone who will always be there for you through thick and thin. I'm come to realize that you can only trust a select few people in this world. I've come to realize that for whatever reason unbeknownst to me, I have been rejected by my cousins, aunts and uncles. Why, well I don't know. I'm come to realize that this is where my fear of rejection stems from. I've come to realize that I only need a small amount of people in my life...my mother, father, sisters and those that are there no matter what. I've come to realize that you can voice your opinions all you want but you'll still be the bad guy. And finally, I've come to realize that life is what you make of it and on that note I say I'm done with all the family drama, and when my family needs something from me I will not give it.

Do you ever wonder....

2008-03-14T11:55:00.003-04:00

If you've already met the person your going to be spending the rest of your life with. Or do you not believe in the whole "love at first sight" gimmick. If you really think about it, some of us go through life looking for that "one" only to realize that it was right there in front of you the entire time. And others have yet to meet him or her. I ask myself that question everyday: Did I already meet him and let him go or did I not give him a chance?

This one guy lately has me thinking that way. We met years ago at our old job and things were heated back then but we lost touch. We have run into each other quite a bit over the years and I've heard from one friend of his "So this is the one who got away." Just thought I'd put it out there. His actions as of late have me thinking that he might not be but I'm holding out and giving him a chance this time around because you know what, he just may be my one.

I want....

2008-03-11T11:24:00.003-04:00

A change. A life altering mind blowing change in my life. I don't want to live here forever. I want to move to a new state, new city and meet new people. I think I need to get over my fear of being alone and of change and just do it. But should I start small or go big. I also want to change my career. That's right for the past year and a half I've said I want to go to law school but I don't think I want that anymore. I know that I do not want be a legal secretary forever. I want to be something big. I've always wanted a career in journalism, public relations or something along those lines. Doing so, however would require me to go back to school. Or maybe not...maybe I can just intern for a company and just start over as if I have just graduated. Life is short....I should do what I want now not do what I have to and then look back years later and say "I should have...."

"Actions Speak Louder than Words"....

2008-03-05T14:39:00.002-05:00

What a completely true statement. The past few blogs have dealt with a guy. Well, we communicate mostly through email because it's easier since both of us have a busy schedule and because I want to take it slow. Of course, when I say slow I really don't mean at a snails pace as it has been moving for the past few weeks. I last emailed him a week ago. (our messages occur through myspace.) And he hasn't written back. I may be in a stubborn mood but I refuse to be the one to constantly initiate a converstion and he may be busy. But you know, if you say you like me then you got to put forth just a little more effort than you have been doing. I see no effort from him and I'm giving him a few more days and after that its sayonara. His actions are (doing nothing) show me that he is just not as serious as he claims he is and I'm sorry but I don't sit and wait around.

Update: This was written last week and since then I've decided that I'll be bold for once and take a big step into the unknown. But that goes for everything in my life. From here on it's no holding back for me.

One Tree Hill...

2008-02-26T22:46:00.002-05:00

It is absolutely one of my favorite shows. All the episodes are awesome and well written. Tonights though did flashbacks to when they were in high school. At one point, they finally leave the library and the girls are upset that Tim knew how to get out all along and with just one sentence he made it better: "I miss you guys, no one ever keeps in touch". That made think back and realize that I have kept in touch with some of those that I went to school with and I am so glad I did. It is great to see where we are and who we have become nearly 10 years later. We are no longer kids wondering what to expect out of life rather we are adults who enjoy life and who have become amazing people. When things get tough and I worry about bills I wish I was a kid again and then I shake my head and smile and say nah. I like my life the way it is. But it is always great to take a tiny trip down memory lane. I gotta say I can't wait for my 10 year reunion.

P.S.: I still can't believe that it's been 10 years and I still don't know what I want out of life!!!!

I am brave...

2008-02-20T14:06:00.002-05:00

I took the plunge...after weeks of wrestling with the should I's or shouldn't I's. I talked to him (I say him because I'm just not ready to put names on here) and questioned something he had said to me not to long ago. His feelings held true or so he claims. Forgive me, but until I'm proven wrong I will always remain cynical about the opposite sex. I, of course had to admit that I had fibbed only slightly because he had been under the assumption that I was not interested. I was but there were a lot of factors to consider: him moving to another state, my complete distrust in the opposite sex and just too darn scared. Truth: I'm still scared but you've gotta take a shot sometimes. Althought I did ask for one thing from him: time, taking it slow and letting it build to whatever it may be or even not be for that matter. As they say: Rome wasn't built in a day. But I'm proud of myself for finally coming forward with him and admitting something that I was too scared to admit. Now let's just see what happens from here.

Loss...

2008-02-19T14:03:00.002-05:00

At one point or another everyone experiences it. Loss that is...the death of a parent, a grandparent, a friend, wife, husband. Sometimes we can prepare for the impending loss and other times it's a sudden shock to all around. Last week, someone's father passed completely unexpected. I never knew him but it was a shock and made me realize that it can happen at any given moment. That night and since then I've been especially free with the words "I love you" to my parents and my sisters. I realized that I don't say it as I often should but they know nonetheless that I do love them with all my heart.

Paranoia....

2008-02-19T14:00:00.002-05:00

I really need to start separating make believe and reality. I mean I'm 26 for crying out loud. Scary movies petrify me; sometimes when I read mysteries I think it's happening to me. That's why I love plain old chick lit and self help books. What makes it worse: my job. Right now, I am hearing things outside and just freaking out. I just need to calm down. And realize, nothing bad will happen. And that I need to keep an eye out when I'm by myself at work.

TAX SEASON...

2008-01-31T19:13:00.000-05:00

So today is January 31st the day your supposed to be receiving your W-2's. Well, I got mine from my current full time job but not from Victoria's Secret. Well I call and find out that it was sent out today and could take up to two weeks. Seriously, that is just plain not cool. I'm debating on whether or not I should file because I did not really earn that much from them during the two months that I was there. I guess that's a question to ask my tax person.

Should I or Shouldn't I????

2008-01-26T21:22:00.000-05:00

I just don't know what to do. Should I call or should I not?? I do not want to come off as a crazy person but seriously what is wrong here. If I want him to know that I feel the same way about him I should call him. But if I call him do I come across as someone who was desperately waiting for him to call and instead called him myself. Or does he take pride in the fact that I took some initiative and called him first. ARGH!!!!...why is so confusing when it comes to guys. And I feel like all I've done for the past few days is just whine and complain about him. I hate myself right now for this.

GIRLS RULE, BOYS DROOL....

2008-01-26T13:13:00.000-05:00

That's right I went old school...boys drool, suck and any other thing you can think of. I'm so confused. Why tell me you have liked me for the past 5 years and your not doing anything about it?? I want to see where it goes because I'm willing to take that risk but I don't want to call and be like a crazy stalker. I am just so confused about what to do.

P.S. I realized I did two posts about the exact same thing but that shows you how annoyed and frustrated I am.

Age is Just a Number.....

2008-01-24T22:41:00.000-05:00

The weirdest thing happened to me today. Actually it was more creepy than weird. I got hit on (which is always a boost for someone's confidence) but I got hit on by an older guy. Yes, age is nothing but a number but if you look your age (no offense) it's more creepy than anything. And it wasn't just the being hit on part that was creepy it was more of what he said: "don't let the sexual tension bother you" is what he said to someone else in the elevator. I, of course, ended up being engaged to a potential lawyer. Apparently I'm good at thinking on my feet, which is a plus for me. And he of course said things like i'm rich and i drive a truck. Still trying to figure out what the "i have a truck" thing meant. Oh well, I'll never see him again and thank you jesus for that.

Just call me gullible....

2008-01-23T21:15:00.000-05:00

I seriously need to get my head examined. Instead of listening to all the reasons why I should have listened to that little voice in my head I go against it and decide to give it a try. Well, I'm a fool. That was the first and last time. It's a good thing I'm not the clingy girl type otherwise I'd really be in trouble. As it is, I was just gullible for about 5 minutes but no more.

On to another note...I just started watching I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and it is funny. But then again I am a fan of Adam Sandler and Kevin James.

General Hospital...

2008-01-15T18:57:00.001-05:00

Just got finished watching GH and can I just say how hot Lucky and Jason are. I mean seriously hot. I love them both. They are yummy.

On another note....2 posts in one day, I'm really getting into this blogging.

LETTER

2008-01-15T11:28:00.001-05:00

I received a response back from a letter I sent out a couple days ago. I pretty much knew what the letter would say before I even opened it but sending the letter took a huge weight off my chest. It always feels good to vent because I gotta tell you in not doing so just makes it worse and you end up holding on to your anger and that makes turns me into a not so great person. So, the letter stated that I "should watch my tone and that I'd better be sitting down because I'm only going to this once and do not reply". Well...the second I sent the letter I had no intention of replying because I said my peace and moved on from it. But you know what I'm going to blog my response, why, well because I can...

I'm sorry, sorry that you misunderstood the point I was trying to convey. I'm sorry that you feel that way and just sorry that you think I'd actually listen to you. I stopped listening to my parents long ago and if I don't listen to them why would I listen to you. You say your tired of being walked on, well to tell you the truth that's quite the opposite but whatever. You say that me being a lawyer I should know that....well, FYI...I'm not a lawyer, YET, so no I would not know what you were talking about. Also, you call my friends snooty...glad to know that the times you met them they held such a lasting impression on you but oh wait you've never met my friends so that was totally uncalled for. You say that we do not put picutres of your daughters on MYSPACE...like you said it's myspace and I can do what I want but also I don't feel it appropriate to put pics up of various family members because I'm not sure how they would react. You should be happy that I was being respectful. You say this started when you did your Miami trips....um, no. Sorry you think that's the issue. I say hate because I have been told that to my face from other family members. I don't make things up I tell it like it is. So again I apologize that you do not seem to understand that. Um, you say you remember those that helped and I'm not on your list. Well, you should recheck that list again because I have helped. I never had to pick you up from work...I did it to help you. See how that little word creeps in there. Amazing. You say I should watch my tone....I could have been a whole lot worse. I didn't call because I was chicken...I didn't call because I knew that things would get heated and that someone (probably me) would hang up. But you know instead of replying why didn't you get off your ass and call me to tell me all you wrote. And you mention your permit...amazing considering I never even brought that up. You say that Mel is "18 and she'll survive" well, yes she will and she has. You were never there for us in the 16 years we were down here by ourselves and since you've moved here your still never there so yes we have survived and we've done just dandy. You say that I purposely missed Joliee's birthday...I can't go to something I was not invited to. If you had...I would have taken the time to go because I was raised better than that. Well, considering I can't seem to understand the rest of the nonsense you wrote to me I choose to ignore it.

That response actually felt pretty liberating as well. It sucks that I won't be sending it out but you know what maybe one day soon she'll need us and realize what I was talking about. To take words from her (what a shock!!!): It's a new year and I'm not going to be walked over from here on out.

Why???

2008-01-13T21:09:00.000-05:00

So I've decided that from now on when something is bothering I'll blog about it instead of going directly to the source of my disdain. Apparantly (sp?) I did open my mouth and I was condemned by those that I thought would rally behind my courageousness. That'll teach me to stand up for myself.

It sucks because I was taught to stand up for myself and to never keep things bottled up, I guess others never got that message. I mean if you can't go to the source of your problem and confront it then what can you do?? BLOG!!!!!

I'm sure I just repeated myself but maybe if I write the same thing different ways I'll get some clarity on the whole thing. Life sucks. It really and truly does.

THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE...

2007-12-11T22:46:00.000-05:00

I'm checking myspace last night and find I have a message. (Receiving messages from friends always pleases me!!) I open it because it's from a good friend of mine. The contents of the message shocked me and hurt me and pissed me off royally.

The message said this: hey whats new? I was wondering if you or your sister may want to make some extra cash on the friday 28th? we need a DD and will all chip in to have someone drive us to a few places. it will be local but we'll all be drinking and don't want to drive. let me know if you are even willing to do that and then i can let my friends know. its grants roommated bday and he'll be 30 so we want to party!!

Ok granted she says in the message let me know if I am willing to do this but think about it would a friend really be happy to get a message says be my dd. That is so ridiculous. I still have yet to decide how to respond or if I should at all. Part of me wants to say hell freaking no but then the nice side of me takes over.

Last time we hung out, after telling me she wasn't drinking which led to me not driving my own car, she drank and got wasted as did the person who drove us. Then on top of that she flashes these guys who come toward us as if to do something not cool. Thankfully there was a security guard there that helped me out but what if there wasn't. Then I have to drive someones car. I don't like that because if something were to happen it'd be my fault. And she was so wasted that she obviously does not remember that incident.

So what should I do??

Irony of life....

2007-12-07T11:29:00.000-05:00

I am always amazed at how life seems to throw continuous curve balls our way and some just tend to shock us to the core. Take for example: Two weeks ago at Thanksgiving there was a picture in my local newspaper showing a local guy in the military. I read the caption and found out it was someone I had gone to high school with. My first thought was "Wow, what an amazing thing to do for our country.", the second was "He's cute." Flashforward to this week and I found out that the humvee he was driving in was bombed and him and 2 otherw were fatally hurt. Today there is a big write up in our paper about him and what a great person he was. That shocked me to the core because just two weeks ago, count them 2 I had seen his picture in the paper and now I see it attached to his death. What saddens me most is that I went to high school with this kid and I'm sure I saw him and maybe said hi but I can't remember him. I so desperately want to remember this courageous person who fought for our country. But that was my biggest curve ball this week. It just truly hit close to home that there are men and women fighting for us. These men and women are mothers, fathers, sons, daughters of people at home waiting for their safe return.

So I say RIP Adam Snyder...I did not know you but you will be missed. I thank you for your courageousness.

On another note....life throws us curveballs and I guess it is to round us out as an individual so that we can grow stronger and learn to deal with everything life has to offer whether its life or death.

I WONDER.....

2007-12-05T09:50:00.000-05:00

why people are just so dumb!!!! I mean ok, so your allowed to have whoever you want on your myspace page but if you do a friend request and the other person ok's why all of a sudden delete it. You should have just said no to begin with. I just don't get it.

On another note....I just got back from my cruise and I had the most amazing wonderful exciting time. I've never been on a cruise before and it was amazing. The food was great, the relaxation was the best. Kind of sad that there was not all that much eye candy for me to feast my eyes on but maybe next time.

How's this for interesting...

2007-11-18T23:03:00.000-05:00

So today was a very weird day for me. Not so much in what I did and things like that but more like I had a voice mail today and I'll admit I rarely ever get voice mails so I was curious as to who could have called me. I checked it out and turns out it was a blast from my past. A guy I had a thing for and thing with called me. I mean every so often we talk but it's more me doing the dialing and him picking up and this time around he called me. I wonder why...obviously I have yet to call back because I kind of want to make him wait like he did to me in the past but I think curiousty is going to get the best of me. I'll let you know what happens.

I remember...

2007-11-15T22:17:00.000-05:00

When I was 17 and looking forward to all the new possibilities that awaited me upon graduation from high school. You know..college, the college life...that whole experience of living on your own for the first time and being able to do what you wanted. Being an adult was far from my thoughts...the whole being out in the real world seemed unreal. Yet here it is almost 10 years later...classmates are marrying themselves off, having babies and successful careers. I never thought this day would come where we are actually old enough to do all the things I always dreamed of doing but never thought I could.

Now my life is filled with bigger what if's. The ones where I ask myself will I ever find the one or am I being to picky and I might have already found him?? or Will I make it into law school so that I can fulfill my even bigger dream of being an agent living the high life in NYC? or Will everything turn just so that I am hapy with how my life turned out?

It always amazes me how life always has dozens of unanswered questions. There are the why?? of a child, the what will life consist of after high school?, then the ones that adults only ask. It's just crazy that I am actually now a full fledged adult with an annual salary and monthly bills. Life is full of surpises and all the good that is meant specifically for me. I just am way to anxious for how mine will turn out. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

SO.....

2007-10-31T22:38:00.000-04:00

So I'm starting to get into this whole website blog thing. I've peeked at others and gotten ideas and added and expanded to mine. I want to make it mine, personal and to reflect me. I'm not finished yet but I hope that I'll eventually get there.

Changes....

2007-10-24T22:59:00.000-04:00

This past month has been all about change for me. I take that back....this past year has been all about change. I've been in the midst of applying to law school and I thought my plans for it were taking shape when I got accepted into a program. Of course that didn't work out. So since June I've been working at my old job just part time so that I can have money to pay my bills. Well, it's not October and I am now making more money than I was a year ago. For now, my plans for law school are temporarily on hold (at least until next August). Plus, I think I may be getting into a quasi pseudo type thing with a guy. For me that's a whole hell of a lot of change. For me, its good change...changes that I am happy with.

Don'g get me wrong I still want to go to law school. I'm going to be concentrating solely on that between now and February because I want to have applied to at least 6 schools by then. It's a new goal for me and a goal that I'm going to keep so that I can keep having positive changes in my life.

What about you?? What changes have you gone through good or bad?

SO FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY AND UPSET....

2007-09-07T22:42:00.000-04:00

So I've been trying to sell my laptop and have been getting hit by scammers every which way I turn. I think I finally sold it to someone in NY. We'll see if that works, gotta wait for the funds to come and then verify that's its completely legitimate. What hurts me the most is that I offered it to my sister and she comes out asking me if the situation were opposite would I buy it from her so that she can buy a newer computer. I replied yeah, because I knew where it was at and who owned it and know that it still works and I wouldn't be paying through the nose for pretty much the same thing.

I know she doesn't want the computer and that's fine but don't make me out to be someone who is trying to be slick about it. I'm just trying to help her save money so that she can buy other things. It just bothers me and annoys me. I mean if you were to try to buy the same computer that I have now you would pay twice what I'm offering. She's just griping because it's not new. Technically, it is, in every sense of the world.

Maybe I'm just being a brat about it but it's just how I feel and I can't begin to fathom why no one gets it. No, I'm not upset because I can't sell my computer and when I do it's to someone trying to scam me.

I guess it just feels better to get it all out in the open instead of keeping it bottled up inside.

Guys are so darn confusing!!

2007-08-29T21:08:00.000-04:00

So (why is it that I always start with so; just a thought). OK, so I wonder what constitutes a date. If the guy invites you out somewhere and he pays is it a date or does it mean absolutely nothing. I hate how this whole guy/girl thing is so confusing or maybe I'm just making more out of it than absolutely necessary.

Now...how about a guy who obviously wants to sleep with you and your more than willing to comply yet he's got a girlfriend and it's been totally admitted. Why do that if your in a committed relationship with someone? And just for the record...I'm so not into that whole being with a guy who has a girlfriend. I would hate that to happen to me so I will never do it to anyone else. It's just sooo annoying.

And another thing...I hate when a guy likes you and says "I like you, I want to take you out but I don't have the money to do so." What kind of crap is that? How can you actually admit that to anyone. And to tell you the truth admitting lack of funds does not make a girl want you more. I mean seriously I'm not being shallow but hello I am at the point in my life where I am ready to settle down and I do not want to settle down with a guy who makes no money.

I think I feel just a bit better having gotten that all out. Although it still does not make me understand guys any better. But it does help to vent about it.

SOOO....New to Blogging

2007-07-09T15:37:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty new to this blogging thing and I have no idea who will read it but I like to write because it just makes me a much saner person. I guess I'll do a little tiny intro (although knowing me it'll turn into my life story).

I'm a born New Yorker who moved to Florida at age 7. I miss the changing of seasons yet I love that we have heat year round. I'm 25 soon to be 26 (btw: YUCK!) Right now I'm in the process of applying to law school. I'm nervous that I won't get in really but I have faith that the only reason I have not been accepted is because I have yet to find that one school that will be the perfect fit for me.

I love to read, to shop, to do just about anything that I think is fun. I'm living my life the best I know how and I love that.

Like I said before, I'm new to blogging but thought I'd give it a shot. I love to write and hopefully this will help me to better express myself in ways that I have not yet thought of.